Real Name: Harlan Mustard
Nicknames: Foghorn
Occupation: Fast food mogul; former military commander
Homeplane (born): unknown; (current): Sigil
Known Relatives: none
Group Membership: formerly McRonald’s Mercenaries
Background: Many, many years ago, King Burgermeister controlled the
multiverse’s fast food enterprises with an iron hand, until his court jester,
Ronald McRonald decided to crush the monopoly and pave the way for Free
Enterprise. McRonald united several of the executive members of Burgermeister’s
Royal Court of Directors, and hired a retired military leader, Colonel Harlan
“Foghorn” Mustard, to lead his troops.
The Fast Food Wars went on for a while, but eventually McRonald’s team won, and Colonel Mustard (preferring to be called simply “The
Colonel”) was offered a position in the new McRonald Empire. The Colonel
refused, and instead decided to open his own chain, serving friend farm fowl
instead of the various forms of ground beef most of the others served.
The Colonel is a common fixture in Sigil, doing almost
all his business dealings in person. Among other things, he owns Cormyr
Cola Corporation, which has no operations (nor ever has) in Cormyr. He
also operates charity homes for terminally plot-sick children.
Appearance: The Colonel is a distinguished gentleman in his late 60s,
with neatly combed and styled white hair, and a neatly combed and pointed white
goatee. He always wears a white three-piece suit and well-shined white shoes. He
is almost impeccably groomed and dressed, and will become quite irate at even
the smallest hint of dust on his suit.
Role-playing the Colonel: The Colonel is a blustery and grumpy man with a
thick, upper-class Southern drawl. He believes in chivalry and old South (south
of what is uncertain) ethics, and will never behave harshly toward women, though
men who annoy him are likely to be bludgeoned repeatedly with his walking
cudgel.
The Colonel is a man of his word, and will never break
an agreement, written or verbal. He will attack mercilessly (with his lawyers)
if an agreement with him is broken.
Comments: Instances of the Colonel using spells are in error (guest DM’s
with no character sheets will do that), and are attributable to unseen
associates helping him.