College for
Rogues
The Program: One of the multiverse's top rogue programs, Sigil Prep's Rogue program offers a full range of exploits and feat selections to support even the most ambitious thieving career... um, adventuring career. We are most certainly not all thieves, no way, thank you very much. In fact, we discourage using your skills for thievery.
Thievery 101 is mandatory for Freshmen students. Which, in should no way be construed as advocating thievery. It's just a name for useful skills which all Rogues might find useful. Lick picking locks. And picking pockets. It'd really take a stretch to think we're training thieves. Even ignoring the fact that the major was called "Thief" in earlier versions of the curriculum. Just, y'know, ignore that. It was a mistake. Really.
For the record, freshmen are also required to take Introduction to Stealth, and, um... anyway, the school supplies one light blade to all students.
"It's spelled R-O-G-U-E. Pronounced "Rōg", long 'o', hard 'g'. It is not spelled R-O-U-G-E. Pronounced "Roozh", 'oo' sound, kind of a slurry 'j'. One is a crafty adventurer type, the other is the lead singer of Chainmail Bikini, playing tonight at Lliira's Lounge. Present this coupon, and you'll get half off the cover charge." --Rouge, townie Human Rogue
"Sneak Attack damage is down, Wizard hit points are up. I'm good with it, frankly." --Naull, junior Human Wizard. "Sneak Attack!" --Lidda, junior Halfling roommate. "Ack... Correllon... dammit" --Naull
"People always talk about halflings and elves and goblins are being excellent Rogues, but they frequently underestimate the skill of that most crafty of creatures, the Warforged Rogue!" *clang, clang, clang, clang, clang* "Stealth!" --Drillv, sophomore warforged rogue
ROGUE UPPERCLASSMAN MAJOR EMPHASIS
Cat Burgler: Now. Now, we're teaching you how to be a Thief. Yeah, baby!
"Lidda... I think maybe you're misunderstanding the homework. Please take all these cats back." --Naull, junior Human Wizard. "Oh. Hey, I was wondering where all the familiars went..." --Mialee, graduate Eladrin Wizard
Cloaked Sniper: Two years ago, some guy in a long cloak ran up to random people on campus and said "Are those your ears, elf boy, or are you carrying some palm leaves on your head?" or "You buy those shoes at PayLess or the village blacksmith?" This is not a cloaked sniper. In fact, we just hide and shot people without being seen. Possibly the other guy was more interesting...
"I'm not sure I'm happy with this. I mean, sure, he was arrested for shooting my hawk, but... he still got extra credit for it..." --Soveliss, junior Elf Ranger
Daggermaster: It may be a low damage output weapon, but with the Daggermaster course, you can learn to put it to excellent use. It's highly versatile, easy to use and conceal, and with just a few days training, has a ridiculously broad crit range. Plus, you can buy them at the school bookstore by the case. We've got a lot of overstock.
"Daggermaster? Sounds like something they dub in to cover up swearing. You freakin' Daggermaster, I'll kick your patootie" --Kerwyn, junior Human Rogue
Daring Acrobat: He flies through the air, with the greatest of ease, that daring Rogue student on the flying trapeze. Or more likely, chandelier. Non-rogue members of the Gymnastics team protest the unfair advantage this program offers. Not to worry; there aren't non-rogue members of the Gymnastics team anymore.
"I tried out for the Gymnastics team, actually. I'd have made it, too, but apparently, you can't compete in knee-boots, a puffy shirt, and flowered hat." --The Crimson Lotus, sophomore Human Rogue
Death Dealer: How's that for a program name, huh? Right up front there: We deal death. Want to risk it, buddy? Yeah, you want to see for yourself? Yeah, you better run.
"Yeah, like nobody in the history of Sigil has ever dealt death before. Hey, how about a paragon path to loot rooms or overhear stories that lead to quests in a tavern?" --Kailey, Junior Tiefling Warlock
Dread Fang: Lolth pays a lot of money in donations to this University, and therefore, there are a lot of programs for Drow students. This is one that helps them assassinate people better.
"I just need a signature to enroll in Dread Fang, Professor Eclavdra, I... well, no, I've never actually killed anyone. No, I... I once wounded a gopher. By accident, but... yes, ma'am, sorry for wasting your time." --S'kkip, sophomore Drow toady
Flying-Blade Adept: Knives are made for throwing. Fighting knives, hunting knives, throwing knives (well, obviously), cutlery. If it's sharp and pointy, it's ammunition, baby. Flying death. Actually, knives don't do that much damage, so it's flying owies. But if you throw enough of them...
"And then you stand here against this target. We'll win the talent show for sure." --Lidda, junior Halfling Rogue. "You do realize that knife-throwing acts, you're supposed to not hit me, right?" --Naull, junior Human Wizard
Gatecrasher: Understand the full theories and practices of interplanar travel, from simple teleportation, to the creation and relocation of interplanar Portals. This course requires sixteen textbooks, including Mordenkainen's Treatise on the Theory of Planar Travel, Realignment of Planes in Fourth Alignment Cosmology, WutCee's We Give Up, Here's Your Spelljammers Back, and, of course, Volo's Guide to Touring the City of Brass on Sixteen Silver a Day.
"If this is your focus, you'd be a fool to go anywhere but Sigil Prep. There's portals to practice on everywhere! And believe me, there's nothing funnier than Regdar's face when he takes the portal back to Greyhawk and winds up plummeting through the infinite depths of the Demonweb. Ha!" --Angry Kel, sophomore pixie Rogue
Ghost of Eventide: Rogues do it after dark. And Ghosts of Eventide do it after dark even better. Take advantage of the dark, gain extra advantage from concealment, while taking advantage away from your concealed enemies. Sleep all day, party all night. Oh, and yes, you have to follow the regional prerequisites, even though the school isn't actually in Faerun. Sorry, Eberronians. Maybe next year.
"Yeah, I haven't changed the light bulbs in that classroom in years. Haven't had a single request, neither" --Garreth, stone giant janitor.
Guildmaster Thief: Teaching students to become guild thieves without an actual guild would be difficult, so Sigil Prep has, in fact, set up the Raven's Guild, a simulated thieves' guild with an actual simulated hierarchy. At the top of the chain is Professor Artemis Entreri... who seems to be the most well-paid professor on campus...
"This is a, uh, nice Rogue department you got here. Real, uh, clean. Be a shame if somethin' should happen to it. Real shame..." --Lefty Goblinetti, local mobster
Halfling Quickblade: This program, which has nothing to do with stabbing or weapons in any way, is closed to halflings. In fact, it's only available to kobolds. Sure, kobolds and, uh, hill giants! Yeah, it's a flower arranging course for kobolds and hill giants, and anyway it's full up, and the university cancelled it anyway, so it's no longer even offered and... oh, gotta go.
"Hey, Naull! Don't rush off, we haven't talked in... huh. I wonder what she wanted." --Dora do'Urden, course catalog editor.
Master Infiltrator: Get into anywhere, easily and skillfully. The deepest fortress, the strongest safe, the most well-guarded keep, Mialee's underwear... oh, like that's hard.
"'Kay, I thought we were done with the 'Mialee's a slut' jokes. Cheez, what's the point of a new edition if I still have to put up with this crap." --Mialee, graduate Eladrin Wizard
Master Spy: Htt hrrtkaskjwz zqjmte og zgws sj vlrhsevfg@ihqjj.ajw. Zgtgasge kwekukemhtz xktt og ajwshasge oi sqg phamtsi.
"Single substitution cypher? Please, a first-grader could figure that out... unless they just want us to believe it's a single substitution cypher... My gods, how deep does it go!?" --Kerwyn, senior Human Rogue
Rakish Swashbuckler: Rakish swashbucklers are devil-may-care and worry free! So much so, that I don't care about writing this catalog description, and it doesn't worry me! See you in class!
"Derring-do! It's about the derring-do! Why don't people remember the derring-do?" --The Crimson Lotus, sophomore human Rogue
Raven Herald: Be a herald to the Raven Queen. Journey forth into the World, and announce her coming. Then, the inevitable betrayal when you realize the beauty of those she has come to slay. So she banishes you from her realm forever, and you just mope around longing for Shalla Bal, and later find out you've been replaced by some angry Earthsoul Genasi with a big battleaxe, and.... this is all speculation, mind you.
"Oh, no, no. I'm not a Raven Herald. My name is Ravin' Harold. I understand the confusion, though." --Ravin' Harold, townie party-thrower
Shadow Assassin: This course [classified] to create a [classified], allowing [classified] to become more adept at [classified]. Many students are recruited at graduation by [classified], [classified], and the Blood of Vol. (That last part should have been classified, please disregard).
"I am not, in fact, head of the Shadow Assassin department. In fact, I strongly deny there is such a department. And if you keep poking around asking questions, I think you might find yourself as homework. If there were such a program." --Artemis Entreri, Human Rogue professor
Strong-Arm Enforcer: Listen you, we need some students to sign up for this class, else we're gonna have to shut it down. So I strongly recommend that you get your butts in here, and sign some damn papers. I don't want to have to tell you again.
"So I hear youse guys need a baby-sitter. Hey, kid, don't make me come over there. Yeah, that's what I thought." --Lefty Goblinetti, local mobster
Tiefling Hellstalker: Your first day in class is a field trip to Hell. Over the course of the program, you'll receive guest lectures by Asmodeus, facial peels in the hellfires of Fernus, and endless torment by the imps of the Pit. But don't think it's all fun and games. There's a lot of hard work to do, too.
"There's going to be Hell to pay. Literally, we owe royalties. It'll just be tacked on to your tuition" --Shemeska the Marauder, Dean of Schools
ROGUE GRADUATE PROGRAMS
Perfect Assassin: No one delivers death like a Perfect Assassin. Our graduates have delivered death to kings, generals, holymen, and arch wizards. The best even deliver death to arch-fiends, demigods, and other Perfect Assassins. Want to deliver death? Then look into this program.
"And in an over-saturated assassin market, you'll be lucky if you're delivering pizza. Enjoy working for tips, loser." --Maddie Weber, junior Drow Cleric