Residential Campus West
"What do you want? Oh, tour, right. Hi, I'm Kailey Tralock, tiefling warlock and what's your problem, anyway? This is the West Residential Campus, primarily inhabited by upperclassmen, so expect to get pantsed, Freshmen.
"Dorms first, I guess? That's what the Crimson Wardrobe Disaster did, right? Okay, first is Leonal Hall, a spillover dorm with students of several educational levels, mostly sophomores and juniors. It's some old style Greyhawk architecture with old stone and a fountain out front. Fancy, huh? Lion statues on the stairs leading in, not even a little cliche.
"Here's Rakshasa Hall, Leonal's companion building. There's rumors that the blueprints got reversed, and the backdoor is actually supposed to be the front door, but who really cares? The back entrance is pretty wide, and leads almost directly into the Umberlee Memorial Pool, an outdoor spring for import ducks that you aren't supposed to swim in. So, of course, everybody swims in it.
"Here's a smattering of Junior dorms, then. We'll start with Ghaele Hall, where I live. Looks sort of fancy, with a lot of glasswork on the exterior. It's a good twenty stories tall, and all the cool people live here. Also, that guy, dear sweet Graz'zt, do you see what he's wearing? Hey, Merrick! Where'd you get that sweater? Mystara Goodwill? Change your shoes, and we'll go to the Neighborhood of Make-Believe!
"Heh. Merrick's a douche. Anyway, Glabrezu Hall, with its three towers, each connected by walkways on the top floor, and various floors in between. It's a masterpiece of engineering, and that's no snark. Also, no doubt. Aritificers and gnome juniors are assigned here automatically, because it's in constant need of maintenance. It almost fell three years ago. Man, it was a hoot.
"Cornugon Hall, then. It's smallish for a junior dorm, but sort of exclusive. Lots of rich families put their kids up here, and the security is top notch. Even Lidda has trouble breaking in, and she's no slouch. She once stole master copies of a major exam from Dean Shemeska's desk. I was really excited until the little twerp decided it would be a bigger challenge to put it back. Tiny little body, and a brain to match.
"And here's Planetar Hall, a sixteen story crystal building just singing with celestial vibrations. It actually hurts me to look at it, so we won't linger here. Suffice to say, it's good they've gotten rid of alignment subtypes, because a bunch of demons combusted from being assigned a room in this hall.
"Marilith Hall is the largest of the senior dorms. It sort of arches out from a central point, into six three-story wings which curve so that, overhead, the whole building looks like a spiral of some sort. Seniors get all stupid and pat themselves on the back for getting assigned here, even though they still live in the Dorm as seniors. Man, if you see me living on campus next year, just put an arrow between my eyes, huh?
"And Queens Hall, Formian built, so it looks sort of like a hive. The rooms were numbered by Modrons, so unless you have an 18 Intelligence, I'd recommend taking a slide rule and protractor.
"Though not technically a dorm, West Residential also houses the Arbor Grove, this huge patch of green and nature *shudder*. A lot of the druid, ranger, and primal-type students choose to live here, and it's also a sort of preserve for all varieties of natural animals. Big "natural" spring, all varieties of fruit-bearing trees, and Vadania's 'secret' grove, if you guys are looking.
"The Bigby Building is the student union, a large recreational building full of goodness. There's meeting halls for your club meetings. Over three hundred clubs on campus, so there's something for everybody. There's also Jakandor's, a fancy-ish restaurant if you're lame enough to take a date to the student union. There's a burger stand and a pizza stand, both of which will take your meal card, and a bank of vending machines, which will take your silver. Game room with pool tables, ping pong, and AstralNet games. And there's Greyhawk's, another of those pesky campus bookstores. Why so many bookstores on this campus? Find out you need a couple of bluebooks on your way to class, and try to walk to Oghma's and still get there on time.
"And over here is the Dining Hall of Juiblex, the school's cafeteria. It's huge, three stories of dining space, so you should always be able to find a table. In the basement are a number of smaller stands: Pizza Dungeon Express, Maztica Bell, a McRonald's, The Colonel's Famous Fried Fowl, holy crud this campus is big on nutrition, huh? The cafeteria, obviously, takes your meal plan, while the name-brand junk food stands do not. It's the price you pay for truncated menus and corporate greed.
"Well, that's that. I guess you can go see the South Residential Campus, if you want. I'm going to the Mall."