Martial Campus Tour
"'Sup. I'm Regdar Harlett, former star quarterback, and star assistant coach. Good to see you guys, and especially you, young lady. Y'know, I'm totally in to elf chicks. Whazzat? Oh, yeah.
"This is the Martial Campus, one of the raw awesome places in Sigil Prep. Some crap about architecture I'm supposed to tell you, but who gives a damn, right? If you cared about flying buttresses and all that crap, you'd be a Wizard major or something. You guys're men! And women, obviously, but not, like, girly women... What?
"Fine, let's get on with it. What you prob'ly want to see most is The Arena of Kord, where the Sigil Prep Planeswalkers won 18 out of 20 home games last season. The football team, of course. Our baseball team couldn't win an exhibition game against the local orphanage. No offense, Xizlqk. Anyway, the stadium seats 50,000 fans, and is the biggest college venues in the All-Planar conference. The field is enchanted to alter its configuration to football, track, baseball, soccer, what have you, at the command of any of the recognized coaches. This here's Coach Klank, who led us to our last six conference championships. Rock on, coach. You the warforged."
"Shouldn't you be runnin' laps, boy?"
"Always the kidder, huh? Coach doesn't sleep, and he only teaches a handful of token classes so he can coach the team, so he's around most of the time. The man is dedicated.
"Here's Leomund's Magnificent Gymnasium, located just near the Arena. Indoor sports, like basketball, fencing, and all that are played here. There's three Olympic sized pools, one reserved specifically for competition, and one specifically for recreation. Another, quadruple sized pool, for aquatic students, and six fully equipped gyms which you can access by flashing your student ID. There's a small track on the roof, too. Leomund spared no expense with this beauty of a building. There's even studios for yoga and aerobics and all that girly crap. Big windows, too, if you just wanna watch, or... what?
"Another major building here on the Martial Campus is the Admissions Building, which most of you guys have been through before. It's where you signed up for classes, where you go for financial aid, and many of you got here through the Hall of Portals. The whole west wing of the Admissions Building houses portals to most of the planes we care about. Greyhawk, Faerun, Krynn, Eberron, the Abyss, Hell, Celestia, the Elemental Chaos, whatever we've got nowadays. Dean Shemeska keeps an office here, even though her main office is in the Auditorium on the Divine Campus. And there's an alternate entrance to Sub-basement J, where Dean Roper dwells. You don't really have to poke around here much unless your scholarship comes into question, or you have to drop a class. In which case, sucks to be you.
"Over there is Oghma's, the largest campus bookstore. They generally have all the books you need for your classes, for those of you losers that take classes that require books. Decent prices, too, if you buy used. There's also weapons, magic implements, blank spellbooks, holy symbols for a few hundred different deities (if you come early in the year), and cold soda. You can also buy some books for pleasure reading, if you can imagine that, t-shirts, posters... Dude, you should check out the Alhandra bikini shot. So hot. I mean, you'd look pretty hot in... what?
"Geez, it's like nobody can take a joke these days. Oh, yeah. Robilar's, over there, is the other campus bookstore. Why they're so close together, I don't know. Robilar's doesn't have as many implements or weapons, but they've got more basic adventuring gear, and they also sell potions. They only sell used copies of the text books, though, so, cheap shopping, but good luck finding what you need.
"Oh, hey. There's classroom buildings here, too. The sturdy-looking one here is The Caramon Majere Building of Skill-at-Arms, where the Fighter classes are taught. You learn all kinds of basic combat techniques, so even those of you who study Bard or something sissy like that might come here for some weapons proficiency training. But you also get into real advanced stuff. Sword and board junk, and two-handed techniques that do, like, seven times normal weapon damage. Or something like that. I don't pay attention when they're going over the math part.
"The Dove Building sounds kind of peaceful, but there's some kick-ass stuff going on in there, too. It's the Ranger school, where you learn about two weapon fighting, and archery, and stuff like that. You'll notice it's sort of a thin building, but very log, and 'Z' shaped. A lot of the hallways are labyrinthine, all for good reason. The more advanced your classes, the harder they are to find. There's rumors that freshmen who can find even a single senior-level class can graduate early.
"House Deneith, from Eberron, spent a lot of money to build The Deneith School for Warlords, just because their daughter goes here. My dad'd pay to have his name on a building, too, if he had plot-levels of money. But no, guy spends his life on the open road, pulling cartloads of metal goods from Greyhawk to Geoff, just to put mutton in front of his four kids. I couldn't even go to this place if I didn't get a full ride football scholarship. But some princess from Eberron wants to go to fancy Warlord school, and her daddy builds it for her! I'll tell you this much, us Hartlett kids knew our dad loved us, 'cause he'd get home from three weeks on the road, exhausted, with twenty gold in his pocket. And he used that twenty gold to take us to the Fairgrounds and buy us turkey legs and funnel cake, and play backyard baseball with us until it was time to take the next road.
"But that's neither here nor there. It's a good building, they teach all kinds of tactics and battlefield combat and barking orders and stuff.
"This windowless building is called The Artemis Entreri School, where they teach the Rogue classes. We aren't going in, 'cause all the exterior doors are trapped. It's kind of like the Ranger school, in that part of the class is just getting to class. Unlike Ranger school, it's pretty clear which direction to go. You just have to get past all the traps. And unlock the doors and padlocks, to find your homework, and possibly pick the professor's pocket to find out your final grade. Rogues are weird people, dude.
"The Armory, not to be confused with that store at the mall, is the one craft lab on the Martial Campus, where you learn to forge your own weapons and armor, up to and including the magic stuff. Hot forges, sharp blades, you have to have a permission slip if you're under 18, and sign a waiver to use the equipment.
"Over there's The Dungeon. It looks like it's one story, but that's 'cause it goes down. You know what would... What? I was just gonna make a 'going down' joke. Sheesh. Anyway, The Dungeon is a practical adventuring platform, where you go through simulated adventures, and battle volunteer monsters who're looking to make some spare loot. It's also where the BBEG classes are held, so for those who attend school to become a master villain, here's your new home. Oh, there's some housing in this building, but you have to sign an agreement that if someone stumbles into your room, you'll act like a proper encounter.
"The Krusk the First Building was built by my buddy Krusk's dad. Good guy. He's rich, but it don't go to his head. Anyway, the building's exterior is made of granite, and can survive a ninth level spell... um, that's a 29th level Daily Attack power, without so much as a crack. Sturdy building. The front door weighs over a hundred pounds. They teach Strength based skills here, and if you're looking to increase your Strength score, here's where you do the bulk of your training. It's got a couple of student-use gyms, but, unlike the Gymnasium, if you ain't got an 18 or better going in, you ain't gonna get those weights off the ground.
"Similarly, here's the Hall of Endurance. It's where you train in your Constitution-based skills, but that's pretty much 'Endurance'. Most of the hallways are treadmills. A couple of gyms here, too, but you don't decide when the workout's over. The PT does. And he's an iron golem with no sympathy.
"And here's a little building we're gonna call Burrfoot Hall. Dexterity-skills. A couple of open gyms with all them parallel bars and tumbling mats and pommel horses, and that crap. We got a decent gymnastics team, but really, that's not a sport. It's really just an excuse to check some tight little asses in leotards... What!?"
Continue the tour: Residential Campus East