College for
Fighters
The Program: Our recently overhauled Fighter program offers, for the first time, something to go to Fighter School for (as opposed to the heavy Feat electives offered under the previous curriculum). Expect a lot of shifting, stunning, and weapon-specific training. Pre-admission toughening is important, because you're going to need a lot of hit points. Skill choices are still limited.
Trash-talking is encouraged now, as a heavy part of your training now is pissing off monsters so they ignore everyone else, even those pesky and squishy wizards. Mid-term exams involve coaxing level appropriate monsters into choosing you over food. (Training-related resurrections are covered by your medical plan).
A military weapon and scale armor are covered is covered by your admission cost. Other weapons available at student's expense.
"I think this whole Combat Challenge is really gonna help the basketball team. Pass the ball to the skinny guy, then just stick yourself right in some Morgrave mook's face. I think if the whole team's Fighters, we could have the season locked up." --Regdar, graduate Human Fighter
*whistles* *twiddles thumbs* "Actually, all these healing surges and Comeback Strikes are making work around the infirmary a little boring..." --Melina, senior Human Cleric and infirmary volunteer
"Ha! He's attacking Gark! Ow! Ha, he's attacking Gark again... Ow! Damn, I hate Cleave." --Ichik, freshman Goblin Rogue, should be standing over there.
FIGHTER UPPERCLASSMAN MAJOR EMPHASIS
Avenging Slayer: The prereqs for this class are kind of rough. You have to have lost loved ones to extreme violence, or have been violated to your very soul by the forces of evil, or possibly have had Fzoul Chembryl kick your puppy. But it's got to be worth it when you can yell 'Boo!' and make liches jump.
"Criminals are a superstitious and cowardly lot... ow! Quit hitting me! You're superstitious and cowardly, dammit!" --Brue Zwein, sophomore nyctar Fighter.
Doomguard Marauder: A class for nihilists and anarchists. If you actually come to class, you automatically fail. If you come to graduation for your diploma, you won't get it. You must understand the lack of order and governing bodies to the extent that you don't even respect your education. So how do you know you passed? Screw that!
--"Don't worry. They usually dump Intelligence, right? Just tell 'em the rule is, like, to run around and make as much noise as possible, and they'll sit quietly and listen. Sinch." --Mialee, graduate eladrin Wizard
Dreadnought: Big and angry and tough. Ignore damage like Regdar ignores vegetables. Except for potatoes. Regdar loves potatoes. Speaking of Regdar, he'd like to point out that if you take this course, the athletics department will tack an extra thou onto your scholarship (off the books, wink).
"I was going to make some crack about Professor Jagannash the Unstoppable having a brother who heads the Psionics department, but we're still a good year and a half from having the Psionics department reinstated." --Maddie Weber, Junior Drow Cleric
Dread Reaper: A refined, perfected fighting style based on the crude, brutal fighting styles of untrained warriors. Got that? Okay, from there it's mostly reaping.
"No... no robes or scythe? I don't understand..." --Kazerobet, sophomore Human Necromancer
Dwarven Defender: Open to dwarves only, this program enables the student to defend. Defend what? Other dwarves, mostly.
"Don't worry, lad. Th' 'possin' team'll nae get by me while I've chosen that ball as my charge." --Tordek, senior Dwarf Fighter
Halfling Bounder: While other fighter programs ask you to stand there and take it, with this course, halfling students can learn to bounce around and ignore it. Rely on your speed and agility, and the best part? You can do it, even if you dumped Dexterity.
"Switching Leap means anybody is your wingman. Let Regdar buy the drinks, then shift in and take the 'attack' yourself" --Imosene Strongheart, junior Halfling Fighter
Inner Dragon: Attention, Dragonborn students! You know you've always had a dragon raging inside you; now's your chance to let him out... Wait, no, not a literal dragon. There is nothing inside you, it was a metaphore! Metaphor, metaphor... aw, geez, this is why dumb guys shouldn't carry swords. Medic!
"Ugh... you hit this guy, his blood explodes everywhere, burning and searing everyone he hits... It's like the pinata at Kazerobet's last birthday party..." --Zathan, freshman Human Cleric
Iron Vanguard: Tired of bully's kicking sand in your face? Wish you could do something about it? Become a tower of strength, an unstoppable force, a vision of physical perfection. See Professor Atlas for details.
"Holy crap! You actually take a 3 hour course on how to stomp people while they're down! Damn, I wish I was a Fighter!" --Kailey, junior Tiefling Warlock
Kensei: Become one with your weapon. Master it as few can. Even if your chosen weapon is the war pick, it's pretty cool. Ask yourself: how many other people have become one with the war pick? Yeah, you the man.
"What? Doesn't every kensei have a little bed with silk blankets and a comfy pillow for his sword? There, there, Banereaper, don't let the mean interviewer upset you. Night, night" *kiss* --Hospin, junior Human Fighter
Knight Protector: Raise your swords, men! Join us as we protect the Great Kingdom! Well, the fallen Great Kingdom, but we protect it in spirit! Okay, if you need something tangible, we can protect the cafeteria building, I guess.
"Actually, I'm very fond of this program. It takes Lidda several rounds to get past these guys." --Naull, senior Human stab victim
Pit Fighter: It's all about fighting dirty, baby! We teach you every trick of the trade on how to cheat, bite, spit, curse, and get those professional gladiator contracts. Representatives from the WorldsWide Gladiator Federation observe the class at regular intervals.
"No, no. Battleaxe then face punch. Like this." *chuck, pop* "Get it? One more time." *chuck, pop* "Alright, one more." *chuck, pop* "Now you try, kid. Kid? Kid?" --Klank, Warforged Fighter professor.
Polearm Master: Stop snickering. Let's just get right to the Mialee joke.
"Frankly, this was the most disappointed I've been since I read that issue of Giant-Size Man-Thing." --Mialee, proving that grad student intellect doesn't preclude junior high humor.
Ravager: Just to clarify. This is 'Ravager', not 'Raver'. It's about violence and brutality and gore and smacking down. So yes, the mosh pit is right over there.
"Professor Agh! Scream! Slashslashslash passes out the syllabus on the first day of class, followed by a brutal rampage. The survivors don't have to go to drop/add." --Tanis Half-Elven, dean of Fighters
Shield Adept: Bored of sword-and-board? Wish there was something to do with that plank strapped to your arm besides passive defense? The Shield Adept may be your solution. Of course, two-handed weapons might also be to your liking. Think it over.
"Aye, I love my shield. It's cover, it's a bonus to Fortitude, it's a handy way to shove enemies off. Also, in the winter it makes a neat sled!" --Gordorf the Childish, freshman Dwarf Fighter
Shock Trooper: Using sudden strikes and offensive force.... um, the student handbook offices have been taken over by the Zhentarim.
"Where are your clever flavor quotes now, Sigil Prep students?" --Manshoon, arch-villain
Swordmaster: Become one with your sword. Master it as few... No, this isn't the Kensei class. No, it's Swordmaster. You're looking for room 168, down the hall, by the water fountain. No, it's not the same thing. Look, just take your war pick and get out of here.
"My name is Mellegro Antonio. I multiclassed into Fighter so I could take this paragon path and get Fantastic Flourish. Prepare to die." --Mellegro Antonio, sophomore Human Rogue
Tiefling Warfiend: Learn to master the fiendish heritage of your tiefling blood to bring burning death to your foes. You don't need to be a warlock to sacrifice your soul to power... Um, that is, you can be a good tiefling warfiend. Says so right here.
"Ooo, your sword's on fire. That's an awesome sword." --Lidda, halfling Rogue. "It is not my sword's might, little one, but the might of my heritage manifest upon it" --Makelith, tiefling Fighter. "Can I see?" -Lidda. "No!" --Makelith. "Look, I have a dagger with lightning crackles." --Lidda. "That is not your might! That is just a magic trick!" --Makelith. "Want to see my might?" --Lidda. "... Okay..." --Makelith "Sneak attack!" --why don't they see it coming?
FIGHTER GRADUATE PROGRAMS
Eternal Defender: Eternity is a long time. But we can cram it into 24 credit hours. Mostly strength training, but you also learn to be eight feet tall.
"You can bench 500 lbs? Dude, I curl a half ton." --Regdar, graduate Human Fighter
Undying Warrior: You. Cannot. Die. 'Nuff said.
"And then the fourth time he died during that battle, I began to wonder if Orcus's army of undead Tarrasques might not have been too high level an encounter, even for us..." --Mialee, graduate Eladrin Wizard